Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
