You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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