I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
3pm strippers are depressing
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
