porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
