there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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