i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think your dad took our porno
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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