don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
