dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
