I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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