32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
my god I love twenty year old dicks
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
