Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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