After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He felt like a one man threesome
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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