I murdered the dance floor call the cops
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
