Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
