Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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