he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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