She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Found the puke drawer
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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