My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
