What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
