you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
