I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
