I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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