Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
