Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I touched a dick in church today
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