How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
