How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
