All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
