My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
