I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
