Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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