dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
