she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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