doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
