boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
