Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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