This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
