Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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