Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
