Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
