everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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