have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
