Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
