I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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