So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
