I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
