we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
