Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
