I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
