guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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