He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Hippo gnu deer
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i think i just lost a toe
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
