there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
