Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
