i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
