my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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