Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
